Ambition in perspective 

Welcome aboard to my train of thoughts if you are new to my blog. And thanks for staying on for another stop if you read my previous and first ever blog. I understand that journaling can be helpful although I’ve rarely managed to do it. So I guess this blog is partly my way of committing to a rather public, periodic expression of my human experience. I hope you can also find it helpful in some way.

I sometimes joke that on my tombstone I want the inscription ‘He tried.’  

Whilst I have so much to be grateful for, life often feels like an uphill battle to achieve with an underlying sense of failure.  Where does that come from?  So many subtle messages from the media, educational institutions and religion can contribute to a sense of inferiority.  When I attend a work based conference tomorrow I hope to be inspired and encouraged whilst aware that my old enemy of unhealthy comparisons will be present in my mind and body.  (I’d previously submitted a presentation that, with some justification, wasn’t accepted).  I am very grateful for people who through counselling, CBT sessions, talks and podcasts, friendly chats and music are teaching me (gradually!) to recognise and challenge these unfair and restrictive assumptions.  It is so easy to compare and contrast our lives and accomplishments with those of other people.  My counsellor referred to it as ‘compare and despair’.  

During most of my adult life I have battled with chronic fatigue syndrome.  As with all medical conditions it presents differently in my life than any other person’s experience.  For many years I avoided owning that label and yet, as is often the case, naming and gaining understanding of a situation or challenge enables us to not only find coping and healing strategies but also to reduce the feeling of failure.  Every person has a genetic make up and life history that influences their motivations, abilities and productivity.  Combinations of varying degrees of privilege and oppression of which I feel I have had more of the former.  Whilst free will and determinism can be hotly debated I do have hope for positive change, success, freedom and greater wholeness for all of us.

Having said all of that I want to encourage an enlarged perspective when it comes to our worth and sense of acceptance as people.  I have had the honour of meeting and working with a broad range of people across different sectors of society.  They have all been my teachers in what it means to be human and to be worthy of affection.

My time working in prisons impressed on me that convicted criminals are no less human or valuable than me.  Working in special schools and then slowly discovering that my brilliantly adorable children also have special educational needs enlightens me to the beauty of neurodiversity and the rich blends of personalities, characteristics and unique behaviours that children bring to the world.  And my work in children’s charities and a children’s hospital has introduced me to other incredibly awesome people in the midst of great suffering.  The depth of love and care shown by parents and NHS staff is immense.  Each child in different ways embodies aspects of courage, strength, resilience, humility, creativity and love.  Some have complex needs and / or life limiting conditions.  Their potential and worth is not to be measured in timescales, material productivity or societal accolades.  And neither is mine or yours.  We are all so very and equally precious.  

And that is central to acceptance and ambition for me.  We don’t have to be or do anything other than what we are right now.  It’s a message I get from the best of Christianity (see the writings of Richard Rohr) and from Buddhist mindfulness teachers such as Tara Brach.  We likely all have ambitions for self improvement and healing.  Yet we are all acceptable and more than this, awesome, in amongst our struggles and frailties.  

To conclude I want to share some songs that encourage me.  I’ll leave a link and a few of the lyrics with you below.  Personally I could do with a health regular dose of “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” by Jess Glynne.  Beyonce’s Lion King inspired album “The Gift” has a song called “Bigger” which helps me see the wider perspective of our interconnectedness and interdependence.  At which point I thank you for your time and care for my thoughts.  And lastly, “Doing The Best We Can” by John Lucas really struck a chord with me.  And maybe that could be added to my tombstone alongside ‘He tried.’!  

Sending you love, grace and peace.

Andy 

N.B.

I’ve just returned from my work conference. The speakers and contributors were indeed admirable.  And yet I also received a surprisingly wonderful encouragement and compliment.  A lady thanked me for a phone conversation we had some years ago as she was looking into becoming a music therapist.  She said my enthusiasm had been a factor in her taking the plunge and she felt quite emotional as she was telling me so.  It made me very happy, thankful and a little less hard on myself.  🙂

“Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” by Jess Glynne

“Doing The Best We Can” by John Lucas

“Bigger” by Beyonce 

“Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” by Jess Glynne (selected lyrics)

Don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Learn to forgive, learn to let go

Everyone trips, everyone falls

So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

‘Cause I’m just tired of marchin’ on my own

Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones

Won’t let my heart, my heart turn into stone

So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

“Doing The Best We Can” by John Lucas (selected lyrics)

Man this year’s taken the life out of me

Or maybe it’s been the last two three

But I’m still standing

Doing the best I can

Yeah I’m still standing

Doing the best I can

…

Honey would you lean in close

And tell me I’m doing alright

Tell me that this ol’ heart

Has still got a dog in the fight

We’re still standing

Doing the best we can

Yeah we’re still standing

Doing the best we can

“Bigger” by Beyonce (selected lyrics)

If you feel insignificant, you better think again

Better wake up because you’re part of something way bigger

You’re part of something way bigger

…

Bigger, you’re part of something way bigger

Bigger than you, bigger than we

Bigger than the picture they framed us to see

Legacy, oh, you’re part of something way bigger

Let love be the water

I pour into you and you pour into me